There is an endless reel of posts, memes, and videos on social media published every second about people “living their best lives,” but how can we find joy in the everyday if we are constantly the narrator of our lives instead of the main character. The pursuit of happiness through finding our own, unique passion has in some cases been supplemented by documenting the instances where we find ourselves simply having fun. If we are to find purpose and joy in life, it is time for us to censor the unregulated noise, redefine our unique experience, and pursue the experiences of others.
Focused daily on the demands that come from multiple jobs and being a father of two exuberant children, I fully appreciate the complexities of trying to find time for self fulfillment. At times, it can even feel selfish, but ultimately this time taken to cultivate the best version of ourselves will help us serve others that depend on our leadership.
With a large segment of our culture concentrated on digital appearances and an obsession with approval of strangers through digital platforms, we have done major damage to our ability to think of the big philosophical questions surrounding our own lives, relationships and community. The ongoing need to not only post something new but then constantly check in to see reactions has pushed our attention to meaningless approvals and has trained individuals to seek instant gratification, instead of deeper fulfillment. What is more troubling is that in many cases, the need for this approval interrupts daily lives and people’s ability to set direction and achieve even nominal goals. Research on these changes have become a societal challenge and is well documented in books including Bored and Brilliant by Manoush Zomorodi and The Second Mountain by David Brooks.
As mentors and community leaders, I believe we have a responsibility to acknowledge this threat and guide others out of Plato’s proverbial cave of false perceptions. In true Socratic fashion, I knew the first step was to examine myself and lay out a path to understanding. As I actively looked at ways to become a better version of myself, I immediately found that I was having trouble focusing on tasks that were in front of me without constant interruptions and distractions. I noticed that I was skimming emails, books, and even conversations with real people instead of fully understanding what was being presented in real time. Overrun with daily tasks, I was in many instances giving into immediate distraction instead of focusing fully on the task at hand, let alone taking the time later for deeper reflection and understanding.
As a father, when I interact with my children, my standard of focus is quite the opposite. My baseline is to drop everything I am doing and focus directly on them. When they simply need me to listen to them or play with them, all distractions go away, I get down on the floor and they have my full attention. I also take time to reflect on our interactions and their challenges so that I can create an evolving roadmap of what I feel is important for them to learn. I knew I needed to extend this commitment to other aspects of my life and started to proactively teach myself to regain the art of focus.
Censor the unregulated noise
Today’s distractions come from so many competing interests but the constant device many of those interests use to communicate with us is our phones. The first step for me was to decide that my phone would be used as a tool to assist throughout the day, not a device that guided where the day would go. This has become increasingly more difficult as our handhelds have grown beyond the capacity to be our point of contact with family, friends, and work colleagues and now include email, daily calendars, photographs and social media. The interruptions have become more constant as each of these mediums uses notification systems that do not give an opportunity to forget that more information is always readily available, regardless of how relevant it is. Where those interests used to just be friends or colleagues, now they also includes big businesses and organizations desiring you to give your time and resources for their own gains.
By silencing notification, texts and even calls I was back in the driver’s seat of my day, determining when tasks began and were completed without constant interruptions from competing interests. The silence approach also included emails and text message notifications. Without these constant interruptions, I relearned to focus on what was in front of me. I had several people in my family that resisted me moving to silence my text message because they felt as if I was ignoring them by getting back to their text hours later. Upon examination of those texts, none of them were urgent or required an immediate response and a conversation about how I wanted to focus proactively on turning off all notifications assured them it was not personal. A step out of the ordinary cultural norms of immediate gratification and response will meet resistance but honest conversation will help settle the foundation that is being built.
Silencing devices not only opened the day to more productivity but also allowed for a new sense of disciplined focus to emerge. If you are finding it difficult to sit down and read an entire news article or email, let alone a chapter of a book, this is a first step in the right direction. Focusing on the task at hand without interruptions on a daily basis will strengthen your ability to think critically, creatively, and just simply enjoy the world around you.
Redefine your unique experience
When you find yourself reaching for the phone in times of boredom to watch TikTok or Facebook, just stop. Ask yourself what the real benefit of going down that rabbit hole is. Although social media can be used for relaxation, research has shown that small interactions are the best way to accomplish this. Many times it is used as a way for people to escape their everyday life and avoid challenges. We all have different challenges, some more difficult than others and we all have challenges that we push off so we do not have to deal with them. Through my experiences, I can confidently say that I felt more fulfilled after I took the time to sit down interrupted and think about the impacts of these challenges on my life and how I wanted to react in a positive way.
I discovered that finding time in my week to sit down with a pen, paper, and no phone in sight, to write down the thoughts in my head has given me the chance to actively pursue my own direction. With so many demands on us today, it is sometimes difficult to remember that each of us has the ability to direct our own lives. Even though we cannot always control what happens to us, we can always dictate how we react. Writing down my thoughts has given me vision on what direction I want my day and specific aspects of my life to go. Believe me, it’s not always an epiphany that comes out on those pages and sometimes it is simply a list of things I need to get done to get myself back on track. The practice of writing down your thoughts however, will allow you to think deeper about what you are grateful for, what you would like to achieve, and what actions you need to take in order to accomplish your goals. Sometimes seeing an action in your own writing is enough to finally give you the courage to take the first step of your next journey.
Pursue the experiences of others
Some very real negatives of disconnecting through social media is that the platforms are designed to keep you within certain parameters of your worldview and not introduce new ways of thinking. It is covered with misinformation coming from a multitude of special interests that do not have your best interest even in the background. Make it a point to talk with strangers in the coffee shop, local business or even people within your own family that you may have neglected to have many thoughtful conversations with. Listening to their experiences, worldview, and ideas will positively open your perspective and allow you to discover new things, even when you do not agree with them.
One of the greatest opportunities to turn off the noise and gain a broader worldview is to volunteer locally. We all know it feels good to give back to others but there are so many benefits that go beyond this emotional attachment. Volunteering is one of the rare opportunities where you get the chance to meet people you do not interact with in your normal, everyday life. When you are working alongside others for a common good, take the opportunity to intently listen to those you are working with as well as those that you are serving. I guarantee that if you go into the experience with a mindset to listen and learn, you will come away with much more than you ever imagined. The similarities and differences between the daily lives of the people you meet, their challenges and what they hold as important, will broaden your worldview and allow empathy to contribute to your future decisions.
Censoring the unregulated noise, redefining your unique experience, and pursuing the experiences of others will not bring about immediate enlightenment. These practices will help you begin the process of reclaiming the art of focusing on the world around you with deeper appreciation and reflection. At this intellectual crossroads, you can reach enlightenment through finding your true passion and discovering how your unique gift can serve a higher purpose.